There are constantly many sources of sounds around us. We hear them but do we really listen to them?
Say for example, when a person is talking to us, we hear them but do we listen to them? Many people misunderstand the concept of listening.
People think that listening and hearing are the same thing. It actual fact, it isNOT.
Hearing is actually the process in which sound waves strike the eardrum and cause vibration are transmitted to the brain. Listening, however, occurs when the brain reconstructs electrochemical impulses into a representation of the original sound and then give them meaning. It involves 5 steps: hearing,attending,understanding, responding and remembering.
People think that listening is a natural process. It is ALSO NOT.
Listening is not a natural process. Unlike breathing, listening is a SKILL, very much like speaking. Not everyone does it well, but it can be improved through training and instructing.
Listening is an activity that REQUIRES EFFORT.
Listening involves paying attention to what others have to say, hence it is said to require effort. If one does not put in effort to hear, one is not listening to what others have to say.
Listening isvery importantin communication.It can enhance or diminish communication. If one listens well, the process of conveying a message across is enhannced. If one fails to listen well, misinterpretation will frequently occur.
I really admire the beauty of the model above. For those of you who are not familiar with this model, it is Mark Knapp's Relational Development and Maintenance Model. This model describes the stages a relationship undergo from initiating to terminating.
First things first, this relational development model is divided into 3 main parts, that is, Coming together, Relational maintenance and Coming apart.
Coming together is further divided into five stages:Initiating, Experimenting, Intensifying, Integrating and Bonding. Initiating is the process of introducing oneself, making oneself known to others and taking the first step to talk to the other person. Experimenting is the process of creating "small talk"and getting familiar with each other's likes and dislikes. Intensifying, on the other hand, occurs when the two parties are referred as a social unit by others. They are known as a couple and their interaction involves holding hands, kissing and so on. At the Integrating stage, the bonding of families occur. The couple also begin to know each other's friends. At the Bonding stage, public recognition of the relationship occurs such as marriage.
After that comes the relational maintenance part. This part can go on for years without change unless the relationship suffer a downturn. Relational maintenance involves the process of balancing the time the couple spend together and their own personal space. Everyone needs their own space every now and then. Therefore, it is important that we do not cling too hard on our partners.
Similar to the coming together part, coming apart can be further divided into five stages too, namely: Differentiating, Circumscribing, Stagnating, Avoiding and Terminating. Differentiating is the process where the couple start to have different expectations or different views in their relationship. Circumscribing is the opposite of Intensifying whereby the couple experience a diminishing interest and for one another but do not avoid each other. Stagnating is the stage whereby the couple go on with their daily life as usual with no feelings. Avoiding occurs when the parties involved in the relationship tend to not want to meet each other, avoid any shared activities and not get into each other's pathway. This stage, known as the point of no return, usually signifies the end of a relationship. Last but not least is the terminating stage. At this point, the relationship is officially over and the parties involved go their separate ways.
In my opinion, every relationship does not necessarily go through every stage in this model and more importantly not in the specified order. Relationships are not static so there is nothing fixed about it. Who says it isn't possible to move from the circumscribing stage back to the relational maintenance part? Who says it isn't possible to move from the avoiding stage back to the relational maintenance part? With good and effective metacommunication, anything is possible as long as you put the effort!
Room Raiders, the show about raiding closets and breaking hearts.
Whoa, what a statement, huh?
I read about how environment is a type of non-verbal communication and how it can convey messages to others. Somehow, it got me thinking and I remembered this particular show that was shown some time ago.
Room Raiders is actually a dating/reality series on MTV. The concept of the show is simple:One person is sent on a search mission in the bedrooms of three unsuspecting strangers who have no idea that someone will be searching through their things. Without a word of warning, armed with the right tools for the ultimate search (rubber gloves and tweezers, naturally) the “raider” will raid the rooms of three unsuspecting people who will have no time to prepare for the break-in. The raider does not meet or see any of the three singles (any personal photographs of the contestant are removed from the room or covered with a smiley face sticker) and chooses to go on a date with one of them based on the contents of their rooms. The three contestants watch and comment, while sitting in a van, as their rooms are inspected. After the raider has finished with each of the rooms, the three contestants then raid the raider's room. Finally, the raider confronts the three contestants and makes his or her choice.
This show can be really funny, even stupid sometimes, but it is still entertaining to watch. Many elements of communication are involved here. First, of course is the fact that the environment can portray things about us. The raider chooses whom he/she will date based on how he/she thinks and feels of the “strangers”, but instead of getting impressed by them through face-to-face means, the raider will have to figure out all of the 3 strangers’ personality based on the environment of their rooms. Then, based on own perceptions, the raider will finally choose which room appeals most to him/her. (What a way to get a date, huh?)
Nonverbal behavior is defined as all behaviors, attributes and objects of humans- other than words- that convey messages and have social meaning. The condition of their bedroom, whether clean ,tidy and organized or dirty ,messy and all over the place can reveal what type of character the owner has. The objects in their room (books, musical instruments, exercise equipments and so on) expose their interests and likes. Secrets are revealed too when diaries, love poems, underwear and even sexual items are all uncovered.
I guess Impression management is definitely not an option for these “poor raided people” now. They have to bear the embarrassment that some part of their perceived self may be revealed out without their liking. Not much deception can be there anymore.
Whatever it may be, I think this show is creative with a unique concept. It may be controversial, heck even not that smart at times, but after all- this is MTV entertainment.
I have never heard of such a word in my life. But, I was introduced to the word in my Human Communications class by my lecturer. I found it to be a very interesting word so I went to check it out.
If I checked my English Oxford dictionary, it would mean "beyond human communication."
If I referred to my Human Communication textbook, it would mean "communication about communication", which can be verbal or non-verbal.
However, some communication experts describe metacommunication as the language of hidden meanings behind routined, often-used expressions.
Some authors in the communication field also have different opinions about it. To them, it is in nearly everything we say; it is the hidden meanings behind our words; and, it is indicated by such factors as pitch, resonance, melody, word choice, word emphasis, and emotional overlay.
SEE??
One word, tonnes of meanings. That's how misunderstandings and misinterpretation occurs. That's why human relationships are so complicating. It is advisable that one should, at a point, sitback, relax and discuss with your partner about your relationship. It is sort of an assessment on how your relationship is progressing. See what it is lacking, what needs to be improved and what needs to be proud about. Compliments are needed once in awhile as one compliment can go a long way. So, metacommunicate away!
Raya is a great time to get together and catch up with family and friends. It is a time to seek for forgiveness and to spend time together. I happened to notice 2 interesting things this year that is related to this special occasion.
Closeness can be seen and felt between people.
In the spirit of raya, many people will often visit each other. What many fail to realize is that non-verbal communication is equally as important as verbal communication. Greeting “Selamat Hari Raya, Maaf Zahir & Batin” and Saying “I love you, I miss you” or even “take care” won’t really mean much if the people who are sending out those messages are not warm. A “salam” between people should show care and respect. A hug should be felt, not simply given for the sake of showing love. A smile should be welcoming and sincere, not fake. Whatever actions and facial expressions we portray are symbolic and they are irreversible. It is these little things that will create a good impression of us in the eyes of others. First impressions are what people will remember, even if they are wrong. So, be cautious of how to present one self, especially if one plans to visit again next year. Communication is not simple, but we have to at least try to be the best we can be.
Difference in personalities = Different Communication Style
We are all born with unique personalities, something of our own. Some are extroverts while others are introverts. Our self concept of our self affects how we interact with others. Hari Raya Open Houses are a good place to observe how people differ in communicating with others. In this situation, there are many small group communications taking place. People who are competent communicators are usually extroverts- they are friendly and get along easily with other people. They are flexible and can easily adapt themselves to new situations. They’ve got the right skills and are usually highly self-monitored about their behaviors. Sometimes, I wonder what they talk about with people they have just met. But I do know too that communication doesn’t require complete understanding, so I guess successful communication can still occur even if there are little shared history between these people. Introverts, on the other hand are less successful to convey what they want to say. Communicators can occupy different environment, so it is a bit harder for people who are less spontaneous to talk to others. However, competence can be learned and they should also realize that there’s no ideal way to communicate. They mustn’t be so hard on themselves if they feel a bit isolated from the group.
Okay…I just got back from kampung. I am exhausted, but I’m in the mood to blog. So I shall. =)
Communication is important during the festive seasons.
Haha…one might be wondering why I made this statement, huh? Here are the reasons:
1. To send and wish raya greetings to family and friends
Gone were the days where I used to post raya cards to my friends. Now, communication is so simple and easy. There are so many channels available to get our messages across to people. Simply sms or mail them an e-card. You can reach them even if they’re far away and have not been in contact with you for some time. After all, it is the thought that counts. =)
2. To be informed about visitors coming over to the house
Imagine this scenario:
The wheather outside is so hot. You are wearing loose comfortable clothes, lazing around with family members in the living room. Your almost falling asleep…aaahh…it’s so nice to sleep after lunch. Then all of a sudden….there’s a knock on the door followed by a “Assalamualaikummmmm!!”” Sigh, happiness ended. You gotta force yourself to get to the door and greet the unexpected visitors.
It is very annoying if people drop by without a proper notice. Not only are you interrupted, but things could get pretty hectic. You gotta rush to prepare food and drinks, fill up the “balang” with “kueh raya” and of course, to change into nicer looking clothes. [It’s part of the identity management stuff]
Communication won’t run smoothly due to the chaotic environment and all the external distractions.
3. To remind self to have self-control
[Haha…this relates to me.] After fasting for 1 month, it’s common for people to overeat and indulge themselves with all the yummylicious cookies and tempting rendangs. Thus, they need to have an intrapersonal communication with themselves. To self-check and remind themselves to control what they eat. Not only will it be rude if one eats too much while visiting others, one’s stomach will also be bloated with food. No no, not a good sight.
We live in a world that is full of sights and sounds. All this while, we have acknowledged the importance of our hearing and our sight. Today, i would like to bring to light the importance of the sense of touch in communication.
Touch is important in a lot of ways. Say for example, when giving a massage, a person's touch is as important as the degree of pressure applied in a massage. In human communication, touch is also an essential element. With touch, we can accomplish much more, in context of conveying a message across. In fact, some people believe that touch IS communication.
For example, when a person is feeling down or not feeling well, you might give him or her a tap on the shoulder or rub his or her back. This action itself is communication. There goes a saying, "A picture says a thousand words."Well, so can touch. By tapping the shoulder or rubbing the back of a person, you are telling that person you care about him or her and that you are concerned about his or her condition.
Another example that must nver be left out is none other than the communication between a newborn and its mother. Basically, touch is the first means of communication between a newborn and its mother. The way a mother holds her newborn; the pressures, the caressing and the cuddling all convey messages of love to the newborn. That is why the skin plays an important role in communication between the newborn and its parents.
Of course, we must never overdo as we might send out the wrong signals. As touch is a kind of non-verbal communication, its interpretation is left to the reciever of your touch. So, we must always take caution to never overdo and always make sure that the reciever is comfortable about it. It is advisable that this type of communication is practised with people you are close to or at the very least have some degree of acquaintance.
