Choose the best way for you...

Communication is basically divided into verbal and non-verbal. Verbal communication is obviously speaking with the mouth, while non-verbal communication can be expressed through body language, sms, email, eye contact and so on.
Personally I think I am not so good expressing my feelings and thoughts verbally compare to non-verbal. Probably because I am being brought up in quite a traditional chinese family where parents and child ought to have a certain "distance" to show respect. In family like this the conversation can never go beyond the common topics like "How is school?"or "Have you eaten?". Even if this family spends a lot of time together still it will not be one with quality. For example on Mothers' day, my family and I do take it as an imporatant occassion. We eat out and buy presents or giving cards. Unfortuantely I have difficulty saying happy mothers' day to my own mom. Do you think the phrase "I love you mommy" comes out easily from my mouth? Absolutely no! I do love my mom but the only way I express it is by writing her cards or typing it in sms.
Whereas for my relationship, my partner and I do talk about anything and everything but when it comes to arguing, that is the hard part. Somehow I am just unable to apologize verbally in the right way or should I say when I apologize verbally it does not seem to be sincere. Then he might get sensitive and misunderstanding comes in to make the whole situation worse.
Therefore I finally came up with a solution to it. Instead of using my mouth, I will write him poems or some meaningful quotes or even an apology letter that is as long as an essay. It may sound troublesome and weird to apologize in this way but it just works better for me! There is a a saying - action speaks louder than words. However for my case it is the opposite.
In a conclusion, the message here is everyone has their own way to express their feelings and thoughts. If verbal does not help then try non-verbal and vice versa. Just choose the suitable and best way for you to avoid misunderstanding and arguements.

Written by:
FIONA LIM

Meaning rest in people, not words.

Actors are great not because of their good looks and charm, but rather how they present their art, skills, passion and work through communication. I personally don't quite like movies with a charming, good looking lad or drop dead gorgeous babe that can't act. A fake, in other words. The script quality of a movie is equally as important as how and what actors say on screen. After all, words don't mean-people do.

It is even more challenging for actors to be real and convincing if they have to play a role of someone who's different from them. A different race maybe, or perhaps even a different gender. Male and females have different styles of communication. There's even some difference in how they use language. Great actors will really find the time to learn the proper pronounciation of words, the slangs as well as how to express their emotions through words correctly.

For instance, Canadian actress Kristin Kreuk played a young muslim Pakistani girl in an independent film "Partition". I saw this movie some time ago and was quite impressed with her performance in it. She had to use an Indian accent and adapt herself in the Indian culture. Kreuk, for her part, embraced the role of Naseem whole-heartedly, going to great lengths to understand the reality of a young Muslim woman living in India circa 1940. She researched, studied and worked with cultural and dialogue coaches, and at one point attended a local mosque to help immerse herself in the Indian community to perfect her performance.

(source from http://www.northernstars.ca/actorsjkl/kreuk_kristin.html)

*Kamilia*

Relationships..... -ISHH =S

Right from the begining, people have always said that relationships were never easy. All of us know this and some how or rather have acknowledged this. But, today, I finally realized how difficult a relationship can be. We can't live with it, but we can't live without it either.

Take for example, even when one of the party involved in a relationship realizes that their relationship is going through a hard time and acknowledge the fact that it may or may not end, he or she might not do anything about it and just hold on to the relationship, not letting go. Why do people do this? Even when the process of holding on to the relationship is suffering, torture and full or insecurities, there are many people who opt to hold on instead of letting it go/ ending it.

There is no substitute for the comfort supplied by the utterly taken-for-granted relationship.- Iris Murdoch

Perhaps this is the reason why we hold on to a "rotten"/"almost rotten" relationship. We all know that we either conciously or sub-conciously take our other half for granted most of the time. This is because all of us expect or assume that our other half will be there for us whenever we want. Furthermore, most of the time, we actually cling to the comfort our other half provides. The comfort that there is someone there. The other half who is mine. The other half who will be there for me.

Why do relationships affect us so much? Why do we suffer so much but yet still need it???

According to Drs. Les & Leslie Parrot, we are hugely affected by relationships and constantly have a need for it because nothing reaches so deeply into human personality or tugs so tightly as a relationship does. This is due to the fact that it is only in context of connection with others that our deepest needs can be met. We have a great need to belong. Whether we like it or not, it is undeniable that we have an unshakable dependence on others, especially our partners.

That is why i feel that we must always prepare ourselves before stepping into a relationship. Preparing does not mean that we will not face these problems. These problems are unavoidable. But preparing yourself that there will be other possible outcomes and not just "happily-ever-after" does help. Never get too attached. Once you get too attached, you will be on the losing side. Always make time for personal space too. Everyone needs their own space from time to time. One more thing, never change all they way for your other half. Compromising is fine, but losing your own identity is another thing. Acknowledge these facts, and you will go a long way. Your relationship will go far.

Here are some tips for successful relationships:

1. Without quality time, your relationship will not survive.
2. You will both need security and comfort.
3. Keep your dependence and independence in balance. Tell and show your partner how much you need him/her, but don't cling, as that can make your partner feel trapped.
4. Encourage him/her to listen to you, by showing appreciation when he/she does.
5. Make him/her appreciate you. Don't wait for a spontaneous compliment, but say something good about yourself and ask for his/her agreement.
6. Learn to do the one thing that is most likely to restore good feelings in your relationship - giving your partner a genuine, loving and approving smile.
7.Often those subtle quirks that first attracted you to your partner can, with time, turn around and become toe-curlingly annoying habits. Learn to love him/her despite everything.
8. Hidden resentments poison a relationship; so if something bothers you, say it. Remember that while men are wary of emotional conversations, they love to find solutions. Express your problem and then ask him to help you find the answer.

[Li Ann =)]

How Do We Become A Better Listener???

Our ears are very important sensory organs. They are involved in two main functions, i.e., listening & hearing.
Listening and hearing are two totally different things. To further divide listening, effective listening can be divided into 3 types:

1. Paraphrase - Restating what another person has said in your own words.
   
2. Open Question - A question that helps a person explore their feelings rather than forcing a "yes", "no,'' or other certain answer.


3. Feeling Reflection - your perception of the speaker's feelings based on words, tone, and body language.
   

Example 1:

Speaker: It just wasn't the right thing for him to do
Listener: You believe he shouldn't have done that.

Example 2:

Speaker: I didn't like that show.
Listener: What didn't you like about it?

Example 3:

Speaker: I can't stand to be kept waiting!
Listener: Your pacing the floor and your tone of voice tells me that you feel this an abuse of your time.

Now that we are clear about the types of effective listening, what must we do to improve our listening skills? Listed below are a few tips:

• Listen carefully so that you will be able to understand, comprehend, and evaluate. Careful listening requires a conscious effort on your part. Always be aware of the verbal and nonverbal signs.
  
• Mentally and physically prepare yourself to listen. Put other thoughts out of your mind. Don't try to think of answers in advance as this will only divert your attention.


• Don't talk too much. Listen to what people have ro say.
  Think about the topic in advance before listening.


• Listen with empathy. Put yourself in other people's shoes.


• Do not interrupt.
  
• Listen to how something is said. Be alert for what is left unsaid.
  
• Make sure everyone involved gets an opportunity to voice their opinions. Don't let one person dominate the conversation.


• Face those you are talking with, lean slightly forward, and make eye contact. Use your body language to show that you are interested/concerned.
  

Information taken from http://www.coping.org/dialogue/listen.htm

[Li Ann xP]

Why do we go college/university???

We all have just graduated from high school and now we are in college. Have you all ever wonder why we need higher education? Can't we just stop studying in elementary school or high school or even not getting education at all?

I read an article several days ago and I found the answer. In the article, a lecturer was asking his students "Why are you all in college?" That seems like an easy enough question to answer. A few students raised their hands instantly.

"So that we can get a decent job one day and make lots of money!" said the first student.
The lecturer then smiled and replied, "Come on, we all know that many people who never went to college and they are rich beyond imagination."
Later on the second student answered, " to get an education."
"You don't necessarily have to go to college to get education." the lecturer said. "Many people get their education through the school of hard knocks."
Another student said, "To get a degree. You can't get that unless you go to university."
To that the lecturer responded,"That is not true. You can take correspondence courses." At that point everybody seemed stumped so the lecturer finally said, "The main reason you all go to college is to learn how to socialise."

The lecturer proceeded to elaborate. When you graduate and enter the work force, you will be surrounded by genrally like-minded people with roughly the same educational background and social status. For example, if you are in banking the people around you would have probably studied finance. If you are in the medical field, the people you mingle with will be fellow doctors and nurses. If you are in architecture your network or friends and associates will inevitably be those in the building and construction industry. Unless you happen to have a unique job that requires you to mingle with a broad range of people, the harsh reality is that your world will be constrained by your career choices. Therefore college is the only time in your life when you are exposed to all kinds of people from all walks of life and from all different backgrounds. The lecturer told the students, "The whole idea of a college or university is for different people to get together and interact."

If you don't learn how to deal with a myriad of people and expose yourself to different worldviews when you are in the spring time of you life - when you are young and carefree, how will you ever be able to do so when you enter the real world and have to cope with the challenges and insecurities? As mentioned earlier, your world will naturally constrained by the career track that you choose. However if you have had exposure to diversity earlier on, you would have a better chance of broadening your network beyond what would normally be the case because you learned how to do so at a younger age.

In our college there are so many students who are local, from other states and even from other countries. We have to communicate with them as everyone is from different places and backgrounds. Of course we have to manage our time properly and know who are the right ones to mix with too. In a nutshell, a certificate showing that we are a college or university graduate can't fight the experience of socialising and networking we gain in college and university.

~ Fiona Lim ~

Children vs Adults

The giggles. That cute squeaky voice. Ohh, the adorable-ness of children. If only they weren’t so complicating. One thing that is certain is that adults don’t’ think like kids anymore. (some still do, but that’s a different case la. Lol) Which brings me to my point:

Perception is the ability to look at or understand something in a particular way. It greatly affects how we communicate with others. A child’s perception of the world differs from an adult. Sometimes, we tend to forget how naïve they can be. It’s often not easy to communicate with children. They go on and on, sometimes not quite making sense. They can be funny then suddenly turn so annoying and irritating, you just want them to shut up. The worst is when they ask or say random things that leave you speechless.

However, all is not lost. There are several ways to make communication with these little angels less troublesome:

#1. Be interested. Yup, even if it is about some scary monster or the abominable snowman. Fear of certain imaginary things is common for them and as adults, we should show interest in what they think and feel. Then, we can try to help them overcome their fear. Once that’s done, no more noise. Good, eh?

#2. Avoid dead-end questions. Ask children the kinds of questions that will extend interaction rather than cut it off. In simple words, don’t ask stuff that only leads them to say “yes” or “no”. Conversation is extended when kids describe, explain and share their ideas.

#3. Share your thoughts. Share what you are thinking with your child. For instance, if you are puzzling over how to rearrange your furniture, get your child involved with questions such as, "I'm not sure where to put this shelf. Where do you think would be a good place?" Be warned, though. Sometimes their ideas can be crazy too!

#4. Reflect feelings. One of the most important skills good listeners have is the ability to put themselves in the shoes of others. In other words, empathize with children. Reflect on a child's feelings by commenting, "It sounds as if you're angry at your math teacher." Restating or rephrasing what children have said is useful when they are experiencing powerful emotions that they may not be fully aware of.

P/s: At the same time, remember not to confuse them. They're still kids, you noe?

Resources:
http://www.funnytimes.com/cotw/cotw_tag_result.php?tag=kids
http://www.kidsource.com/kidsource/content2/How_Can_Parents_Model.html#credits

*kamilia*

Conflicts Between Loved Ones...

In our world today, we are constantly face conflicts from time to time. Whenever of wherever we go, we may face conflict. And it only makes matters worse when we face conflicts with our loved ones.

Family squabbles are the worst. If you are from a fairly large family, you should know how quickly these little riffs can escalate into major, all-out family feuds. In every family, there is usually one member who acts as a diplomatic person. That person always receives the blunt of family conflict, too. If caught in the middle of conflict between family members, here are a few tips that might help solve or at least ease the problem:

• Don’t choose sides.
  The worst possible thing that can be done is to pick a side to agree with. This will only lead to more conflicts and fightings in your family.
  Instead, calmly listen to the arguments without making assertions or assumptions. Be understanding, but NEVER give in to the pressure of choosing a side to agree with. Being indifferent is the best possible way to act.

• Let them work it out on their own.
  All too often, families who are involved in fights aren’t really looking for solutions when they turn to another family member with their problem. They really just want someone who will listen to what they have to say so they can express their emotions, feelings and thoughts.
  When caught in this kind of situation, the best thing for you to do is to quietly let those who are having problems work it out themselves.

• Offer possible solutions while remaining neutral.
  Don't choose a side. Take a step back, in an effort to let them work things out on their own. If the family feud is still rolling strong, there may be one final last-ditch effort you’ll need to take to help extinguish the fire. If you have possible solutions to the squabble, can offer them and yet still remain neutral, then go for it. However, remember that you must remain neutral because the instant you choose sides, you will not only become a part of the conflict within your family, but also be blamed for the effects of your solutions.
  

You may wonder why I chose this article for the blog....
This is because I realized that whether we humans like it or not, often come face-to-face with conflicts be it with family members, friends, college mates, or colleagues. Sometimes, or you could say most of the time, we are usually caught in between other people's conflicts (and other people's troubles are worse than your own as you can never decide for them, but you can decide for yourself).So, when this happens, always remember to:

1. Never choose sides


2. Leave them be


3. Offer solutions that doesn't rob you of your neutrality in that particular situation
   

Article from http://hubpages.com/hub/How-to-Deal-with-Conflict-Between-Loved-Ones

[Li Ann =P]