Relational Development and Maintenance Model

I really admire the beauty of the model above. For those of you who are not familiar with this model, it is Mark Knapp's Relational Development and Maintenance Model. This model describes the stages a relationship undergo from initiating to terminating.

First things first, this relational development model is divided into 3 main parts, that is, Coming together, Relational maintenance and Coming apart.

Coming together is further divided into five stages: Initiating, Experimenting, Intensifying, Integrating and Bonding. Initiating is the process of introducing oneself, making oneself known to others and taking the first step to talk to the other person. Experimenting is the process of creating "small talk"and getting familiar with each other's likes and dislikes. Intensifying, on the other hand, occurs when the two parties are referred as a social unit by others. They are known as a couple and their interaction involves holding hands, kissing and so on. At the Integrating stage, the bonding of families occur. The couple also begin to know each other's friends. At the Bonding stage, public recognition of the relationship occurs such as marriage.

After that comes the relational maintenance part. This part can go on for years without change unless the relationship suffer a downturn. Relational maintenance involves the process of balancing the time the couple spend together and their own personal space. Everyone needs their own space every now and then. Therefore, it is important that we do not cling too hard on our partners.

Similar to the coming together part, coming apart can be further divided into five stages too, namely: Differentiating, Circumscribing, Stagnating, Avoiding and Terminating. Differentiating is the process where the couple start to have different expectations or different views in their relationship. Circumscribing is the opposite of Intensifying whereby the couple experience a diminishing interest and for one another but do not avoid each other. Stagnating is the stage whereby the couple go on with their daily life as usual with no feelings. Avoiding occurs when the parties involved in the relationship tend to not want to meet each other, avoid any shared activities and not get into each other's pathway. This stage, known as the point of no return, usually signifies the end of a relationship. Last but not least is the terminating stage. At this point, the relationship is officially over and the parties involved go their separate ways.

In my opinion, every relationship does not necessarily go through every stage in this model and more importantly not in the specified order. Relationships are not static so there is nothing fixed about it. Who says it isn't possible to move from the circumscribing stage back to the relational maintenance part? Who says it isn't possible to move from the avoiding stage back to the relational maintenance part? With good and effective metacommunication, anything is possible as long as you put the effort!

[Li Ann =D]