2 VERY Different Scenes Next To Each Other...

Today, I witnessed something that made me see things in a different light. Before I go into what I saw, I would first like to say that there are many types of relationships in this world. In our society, we establish various kinds of relationships be it with our parents, relatives, friends, lecturers, colleagues, life partners and so on and so forth.

But based on what I saw today, I would like to emphasize on:

PARENT & CHILD RELATIONSHIPS

As I was walking around in a shopping mall near my home, I saw a Chinese family on my left. A mother, father and two children. The children, a boy and a girl, both were of a very young age, the most 6 or 7 years old. The boy was making a lot of noise, throwing his fists in the air. Apparently, he wanted something from one of the toy stalls. To make matters worse, all the mother could do was nag and nag at her son.

Her nagging + His wailing = A VERY NOISY scene

The scene above is what people picture of a traditional and conventional Chinese family.(Do not get me wrong, I'm not saying that all Chinese families are like that.)

On my right, however, was an Eurasian family. Same scene as the Chinese family mentioned above. A mother, father and two children. The children, also a boy and a girl were of a very young age, though they seemed a year or two younger than the Chinese children mentioned above. The Eurasian were in fact, also making a lot of noise but a different kind of noise. They were running everywhere,shouting and laughi.ng at each other, as if they were having a fun time in the park. The parents, did nothing to stop them and continued their window shopping, as though they were oblivious to the noise their children were making.

Chasing footsteps + Laughter + Shouting = A VERY NOISY scene too

The scene above is what you can find in an average Eurasian family. (Although not all Eurasian families are like that, most of them are.)

The Chinese parents above think that by nagging, they are communicating with their children. Is NAGGING really COMMUNICATING?? Some people may really believe so. But even if nagging must be considered as communicating, then I have to say it is a BAD WAY of COMMUNICATING.

What about the Eurasian parents? The Eurasian parents above believe in giving their children a free rein to learn and express themselves. But how much freedom should actually be given? Is this the way to communicate with children? Can this be considered as GOOD & EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION with children?

After witnessing these two scenes, I realized that a healthy parent and child relationship strives on good and effective communication from the parent to the child or vice versa. Giving your children a free rein or in other words, not exercising any control on your children's actions or antics is NOT good and effective communication. Constant nagging at your children is NOT good and effective communication as well. A child must be taught the values of life and these values must be instilled in them. When a parent wants to teach their children these values, they have to communicate with their children. Giving them a free rein means you are not instilling or passing on these values to your children. Constantly nagging at your children means that you are not using the most effective way to instill these values in your children's life.

I believe that something between the nagging and the free rein given is the most appropriate and effective way of communicating with children. Why do I say so? Allow me to explain my statement.

Nagging will not only cause your child to feel fed up but also cause your child to fear coming forward to you when he or she has a problem. Giving your child a free rein would only mean that you have no control over your child and should you wish to change this "no control" scenario in the future, it would be too late

Before I end, I would like to say that to have good and effective communication with your child is to make sure that your child never fears of coming forward to you when he or she has a problem. That way you will be able to know what is going on in your child's life. Never opt to nag at your child. Always tell them the reasons for your actions in a nice way. For example, if you need to punish them, tell them why, so that they will never hold it against you (badly). Raising your voice will never help. So, even if you are angry, always TRY to control your temper. Always encourage your child to tell you everything be it good or bad. All these can help minimize friction in a parent-child relationship and enforce a good and effective communication between parents and children.

[Li Ann =)]