Relationships..... -ISHH =S

Right from the begining, people have always said that relationships were never easy. All of us know this and some how or rather have acknowledged this. But, today, I finally realized how difficult a relationship can be. We can't live with it, but we can't live without it either.

Take for example, even when one of the party involved in a relationship realizes that their relationship is going through a hard time and acknowledge the fact that it may or may not end, he or she might not do anything about it and just hold on to the relationship, not letting go. Why do people do this? Even when the process of holding on to the relationship is suffering, torture and full or insecurities, there are many people who opt to hold on instead of letting it go/ ending it.

There is no substitute for the comfort supplied by the utterly taken-for-granted relationship.- Iris Murdoch

Perhaps this is the reason why we hold on to a "rotten"/"almost rotten" relationship. We all know that we either conciously or sub-conciously take our other half for granted most of the time. This is because all of us expect or assume that our other half will be there for us whenever we want. Furthermore, most of the time, we actually cling to the comfort our other half provides. The comfort that there is someone there. The other half who is mine. The other half who will be there for me.

Why do relationships affect us so much? Why do we suffer so much but yet still need it???

According to Drs. Les & Leslie Parrot, we are hugely affected by relationships and constantly have a need for it because nothing reaches so deeply into human personality or tugs so tightly as a relationship does. This is due to the fact that it is only in context of connection with others that our deepest needs can be met. We have a great need to belong. Whether we like it or not, it is undeniable that we have an unshakable dependence on others, especially our partners.

That is why i feel that we must always prepare ourselves before stepping into a relationship. Preparing does not mean that we will not face these problems. These problems are unavoidable. But preparing yourself that there will be other possible outcomes and not just "happily-ever-after" does help. Never get too attached. Once you get too attached, you will be on the losing side. Always make time for personal space too. Everyone needs their own space from time to time. One more thing, never change all they way for your other half. Compromising is fine, but losing your own identity is another thing. Acknowledge these facts, and you will go a long way. Your relationship will go far.

Here are some tips for successful relationships:

1. Without quality time, your relationship will not survive.
2. You will both need security and comfort.
3. Keep your dependence and independence in balance. Tell and show your partner how much you need him/her, but don't cling, as that can make your partner feel trapped.
4. Encourage him/her to listen to you, by showing appreciation when he/she does.
5. Make him/her appreciate you. Don't wait for a spontaneous compliment, but say something good about yourself and ask for his/her agreement.
6. Learn to do the one thing that is most likely to restore good feelings in your relationship - giving your partner a genuine, loving and approving smile.
7.Often those subtle quirks that first attracted you to your partner can, with time, turn around and become toe-curlingly annoying habits. Learn to love him/her despite everything.
8. Hidden resentments poison a relationship; so if something bothers you, say it. Remember that while men are wary of emotional conversations, they love to find solutions. Express your problem and then ask him to help you find the answer.

[Li Ann =)]