There are constantly many sources of sounds around us. We hear them but do we really listen to them?
Say for example, when a person is talking to us, we hear them but do we listen to them? Many people misunderstand the concept of listening.
People think that listening and hearing are the same thing. It actual fact, it isNOT.
Hearing is actually the process in which sound waves strike the eardrum and cause vibration are transmitted to the brain. Listening, however, occurs when the brain reconstructs electrochemical impulses into a representation of the original sound and then give them meaning. It involves 5 steps: hearing,attending,understanding, responding and remembering.
People think that listening is a natural process. It is ALSO NOT.
Listening is not a natural process. Unlike breathing, listening is a SKILL, very much like speaking. Not everyone does it well, but it can be improved through training and instructing.
Listening is an activity that REQUIRES EFFORT.
Listening involves paying attention to what others have to say, hence it is said to require effort. If one does not put in effort to hear, one is not listening to what others have to say.
Listening isvery importantin communication.It can enhance or diminish communication. If one listens well, the process of conveying a message across is enhannced. If one fails to listen well, misinterpretation will frequently occur.
I really admire the beauty of the model above. For those of you who are not familiar with this model, it is Mark Knapp's Relational Development and Maintenance Model. This model describes the stages a relationship undergo from initiating to terminating.
First things first, this relational development model is divided into 3 main parts, that is, Coming together, Relational maintenance and Coming apart.
Coming together is further divided into five stages:Initiating, Experimenting, Intensifying, Integrating and Bonding. Initiating is the process of introducing oneself, making oneself known to others and taking the first step to talk to the other person. Experimenting is the process of creating "small talk"and getting familiar with each other's likes and dislikes. Intensifying, on the other hand, occurs when the two parties are referred as a social unit by others. They are known as a couple and their interaction involves holding hands, kissing and so on. At the Integrating stage, the bonding of families occur. The couple also begin to know each other's friends. At the Bonding stage, public recognition of the relationship occurs such as marriage.
After that comes the relational maintenance part. This part can go on for years without change unless the relationship suffer a downturn. Relational maintenance involves the process of balancing the time the couple spend together and their own personal space. Everyone needs their own space every now and then. Therefore, it is important that we do not cling too hard on our partners.
Similar to the coming together part, coming apart can be further divided into five stages too, namely: Differentiating, Circumscribing, Stagnating, Avoiding and Terminating. Differentiating is the process where the couple start to have different expectations or different views in their relationship. Circumscribing is the opposite of Intensifying whereby the couple experience a diminishing interest and for one another but do not avoid each other. Stagnating is the stage whereby the couple go on with their daily life as usual with no feelings. Avoiding occurs when the parties involved in the relationship tend to not want to meet each other, avoid any shared activities and not get into each other's pathway. This stage, known as the point of no return, usually signifies the end of a relationship. Last but not least is the terminating stage. At this point, the relationship is officially over and the parties involved go their separate ways.
In my opinion, every relationship does not necessarily go through every stage in this model and more importantly not in the specified order. Relationships are not static so there is nothing fixed about it. Who says it isn't possible to move from the circumscribing stage back to the relational maintenance part? Who says it isn't possible to move from the avoiding stage back to the relational maintenance part? With good and effective metacommunication, anything is possible as long as you put the effort!
Room Raiders, the show about raiding closets and breaking hearts.
Whoa, what a statement, huh?
I read about how environment is a type of non-verbal communication and how it can convey messages to others. Somehow, it got me thinking and I remembered this particular show that was shown some time ago.
Room Raiders is actually a dating/reality series on MTV. The concept of the show is simple:One person is sent on a search mission in the bedrooms of three unsuspecting strangers who have no idea that someone will be searching through their things. Without a word of warning, armed with the right tools for the ultimate search (rubber gloves and tweezers, naturally) the “raider” will raid the rooms of three unsuspecting people who will have no time to prepare for the break-in. The raider does not meet or see any of the three singles (any personal photographs of the contestant are removed from the room or covered with a smiley face sticker) and chooses to go on a date with one of them based on the contents of their rooms. The three contestants watch and comment, while sitting in a van, as their rooms are inspected. After the raider has finished with each of the rooms, the three contestants then raid the raider's room. Finally, the raider confronts the three contestants and makes his or her choice.
This show can be really funny, even stupid sometimes, but it is still entertaining to watch. Many elements of communication are involved here. First, of course is the fact that the environment can portray things about us. The raider chooses whom he/she will date based on how he/she thinks and feels of the “strangers”, but instead of getting impressed by them through face-to-face means, the raider will have to figure out all of the 3 strangers’ personality based on the environment of their rooms. Then, based on own perceptions, the raider will finally choose which room appeals most to him/her. (What a way to get a date, huh?)
Nonverbal behavior is defined as all behaviors, attributes and objects of humans- other than words- that convey messages and have social meaning. The condition of their bedroom, whether clean ,tidy and organized or dirty ,messy and all over the place can reveal what type of character the owner has. The objects in their room (books, musical instruments, exercise equipments and so on) expose their interests and likes. Secrets are revealed too when diaries, love poems, underwear and even sexual items are all uncovered.
I guess Impression management is definitely not an option for these “poor raided people” now. They have to bear the embarrassment that some part of their perceived self may be revealed out without their liking. Not much deception can be there anymore.
Whatever it may be, I think this show is creative with a unique concept. It may be controversial, heck even not that smart at times, but after all- this is MTV entertainment.
I have never heard of such a word in my life. But, I was introduced to the word in my Human Communications class by my lecturer. I found it to be a very interesting word so I went to check it out.
If I checked my English Oxford dictionary, it would mean "beyond human communication."
If I referred to my Human Communication textbook, it would mean "communication about communication", which can be verbal or non-verbal.
However, some communication experts describe metacommunication as the language of hidden meanings behind routined, often-used expressions.
Some authors in the communication field also have different opinions about it. To them, it is in nearly everything we say; it is the hidden meanings behind our words; and, it is indicated by such factors as pitch, resonance, melody, word choice, word emphasis, and emotional overlay.
SEE??
One word, tonnes of meanings. That's how misunderstandings and misinterpretation occurs. That's why human relationships are so complicating. It is advisable that one should, at a point, sitback, relax and discuss with your partner about your relationship. It is sort of an assessment on how your relationship is progressing. See what it is lacking, what needs to be improved and what needs to be proud about. Compliments are needed once in awhile as one compliment can go a long way. So, metacommunicate away!
Raya is a great time to get together and catch up with family and friends. It is a time to seek for forgiveness and to spend time together. I happened to notice 2 interesting things this year that is related to this special occasion.
Closeness can be seen and felt between people.
In the spirit of raya, many people will often visit each other. What many fail to realize is that non-verbal communication is equally as important as verbal communication. Greeting “Selamat Hari Raya, Maaf Zahir & Batin” and Saying “I love you, I miss you” or even “take care” won’t really mean much if the people who are sending out those messages are not warm. A “salam” between people should show care and respect. A hug should be felt, not simply given for the sake of showing love. A smile should be welcoming and sincere, not fake. Whatever actions and facial expressions we portray are symbolic and they are irreversible. It is these little things that will create a good impression of us in the eyes of others. First impressions are what people will remember, even if they are wrong. So, be cautious of how to present one self, especially if one plans to visit again next year. Communication is not simple, but we have to at least try to be the best we can be.
Difference in personalities = Different Communication Style
We are all born with unique personalities, something of our own. Some are extroverts while others are introverts. Our self concept of our self affects how we interact with others. Hari Raya Open Houses are a good place to observe how people differ in communicating with others. In this situation, there are many small group communications taking place. People who are competent communicators are usually extroverts- they are friendly and get along easily with other people. They are flexible and can easily adapt themselves to new situations. They’ve got the right skills and are usually highly self-monitored about their behaviors. Sometimes, I wonder what they talk about with people they have just met. But I do know too that communication doesn’t require complete understanding, so I guess successful communication can still occur even if there are little shared history between these people. Introverts, on the other hand are less successful to convey what they want to say. Communicators can occupy different environment, so it is a bit harder for people who are less spontaneous to talk to others. However, competence can be learned and they should also realize that there’s no ideal way to communicate. They mustn’t be so hard on themselves if they feel a bit isolated from the group.
Okay…I just got back from kampung. I am exhausted, but I’m in the mood to blog. So I shall. =)
Communication is important during the festive seasons.
Haha…one might be wondering why I made this statement, huh? Here are the reasons:
1. To send and wish raya greetings to family and friends
Gone were the days where I used to post raya cards to my friends. Now, communication is so simple and easy. There are so many channels available to get our messages across to people. Simply sms or mail them an e-card. You can reach them even if they’re far away and have not been in contact with you for some time. After all, it is the thought that counts. =)
2. To be informed about visitors coming over to the house
Imagine this scenario:
The wheather outside is so hot. You are wearing loose comfortable clothes, lazing around with family members in the living room. Your almost falling asleep…aaahh…it’s so nice to sleep after lunch. Then all of a sudden….there’s a knock on the door followed by a “Assalamualaikummmmm!!”” Sigh, happiness ended. You gotta force yourself to get to the door and greet the unexpected visitors.
It is very annoying if people drop by without a proper notice. Not only are you interrupted, but things could get pretty hectic. You gotta rush to prepare food and drinks, fill up the “balang” with “kueh raya” and of course, to change into nicer looking clothes. [It’s part of the identity management stuff]
Communication won’t run smoothly due to the chaotic environment and all the external distractions.
3. To remind self to have self-control
[Haha…this relates to me.] After fasting for 1 month, it’s common for people to overeat and indulge themselves with all the yummylicious cookies and tempting rendangs. Thus, they need to have an intrapersonal communication with themselves. To self-check and remind themselves to control what they eat. Not only will it be rude if one eats too much while visiting others, one’s stomach will also be bloated with food. No no, not a good sight.
We live in a world that is full of sights and sounds. All this while, we have acknowledged the importance of our hearing and our sight. Today, i would like to bring to light the importance of the sense of touch in communication.
Touch is important in a lot of ways. Say for example, when giving a massage, a person's touch is as important as the degree of pressure applied in a massage. In human communication, touch is also an essential element. With touch, we can accomplish much more, in context of conveying a message across. In fact, some people believe that touch IS communication.
For example, when a person is feeling down or not feeling well, you might give him or her a tap on the shoulder or rub his or her back. This action itself is communication. There goes a saying, "A picture says a thousand words."Well, so can touch. By tapping the shoulder or rubbing the back of a person, you are telling that person you care about him or her and that you are concerned about his or her condition.
Another example that must nver be left out is none other than the communication between a newborn and its mother. Basically, touch is the first means of communication between a newborn and its mother. The way a mother holds her newborn; the pressures, the caressing and the cuddling all convey messages of love to the newborn. That is why the skin plays an important role in communication between the newborn and its parents.
Of course, we must never overdo as we might send out the wrong signals. As touch is a kind of non-verbal communication, its interpretation is left to the reciever of your touch. So, we must always take caution to never overdo and always make sure that the reciever is comfortable about it. It is advisable that this type of communication is practised with people you are close to or at the very least have some degree of acquaintance.
Communication is basically divided into verbal and non-verbal. Verbal communication is obviously speaking with the mouth, while non-verbal communication can be expressed through body language, sms, email, eye contact and so on. Personally I think I am not so good expressing my feelings and thoughts verbally compare to non-verbal. Probably because I am being brought up in quite a traditional chinese family where parents and child ought to have a certain "distance" to show respect. In family like this the conversation can never go beyond the common topics like "How is school?"or "Have you eaten?". Even if this family spends a lot of time together still it will not be one with quality. For example on Mothers' day, my family and I do take it as an imporatant occassion. We eat out and buy presents or giving cards. Unfortuantely I have difficulty saying happy mothers' day to my own mom. Do you think the phrase "I love you mommy" comes out easily from my mouth? Absolutely no! I do love my mom but the only way I express it is by writing her cards or typing it in sms. Whereas for my relationship, my partner and I do talk about anything and everything but when it comes to arguing, that is the hard part. Somehow I am just unable to apologize verbally in the right way or should I say when I apologize verbally it does not seem to be sincere. Then he might get sensitive and misunderstanding comes in to make the whole situation worse. Therefore I finally came up with a solution to it. Instead of using my mouth, I will write him poems or some meaningful quotes or even an apology letter that is as long as an essay. It may sound troublesome and weird to apologize in this way but it just works better for me! There is a a saying - action speaks louder than words. However for my case it is the opposite. In a conclusion, the message here is everyone has their own way to express their feelings and thoughts. If verbal does not help then try non-verbal and vice versa. Just choose the suitable and best way for you to avoid misunderstanding and arguements.
Actors are great not because of their good looks and charm, but rather how they present their art, skills, passion and work through communication. I personally don't quite like movies with a charming, good looking lad or drop dead gorgeous babe that can't act. A fake, in other words. The script quality of a movie is equally as important as how and what actors say on screen. After all, words don't mean-people do.
It is even more challenging for actors to be real and convincing if they have to play a role of someone who's different from them. A different race maybe, or perhaps even a different gender. Male and females have different styles of communication. There's even some difference in how they use language. Great actors will really find the time to learn the proper pronounciation of words, the slangs as well as how to express their emotions through words correctly.
For instance, Canadian actress Kristin Kreuk played a young muslim Pakistani girl in an independent film "Partition". I saw this movie some time ago and was quite impressed with her performance in it. She had to use an Indian accent and adapt herself in the Indian culture. Kreuk, for her part, embraced the role of Naseem whole-heartedly, going to great lengths to understand the reality of a young Muslim woman living in India circa 1940. She researched, studied and worked with cultural and dialogue coaches, and at one point attended a local mosque to help immerse herself in the Indian community to perfect her performance.
Right from the begining, people have always said that relationships were never easy. All of us know this and some how or rather have acknowledged this. But, today, I finally realized how difficult a relationship can be. We can't live with it, but we can't live without it either.
Take for example, even when one of the party involved in a relationship realizes that their relationship is going through a hard time and acknowledge the fact that it may or may not end, he or she might not do anything about it and just hold on to the relationship, not letting go. Why do people do this? Even when the process of holding on to the relationship is suffering, torture and full or insecurities, there are many people who opt to hold on instead of letting it go/ ending it.
There is no substitute for the comfort supplied by the utterly taken-for-granted relationship.- Iris Murdoch
Perhaps this is the reason why we hold on to a "rotten"/"almost rotten" relationship. We all know that we either conciously or sub-conciously take our other half for granted most of the time. This is because all of us expect or assume that our other half will be there for us whenever we want. Furthermore, most of the time, we actually cling to the comfort our other half provides. The comfort that there is someone there. The other half who is mine. The other half who will be there for me.
Why do relationships affect us so much? Why do we suffer so much but yet still need it???
According to Drs. Les & Leslie Parrot, we are hugely affected by relationships and constantly have a need for it becausenothing reaches so deeply into human personality or tugs so tightly as a relationship does. This is due to the fact that it is only in context of connection with others that our deepest needs can be met. We have a great need to belong. Whether we like it or not, it is undeniable that we have an unshakable dependence on others, especially our partners.
That is why i feel that we must always prepare ourselves before stepping into a relationship. Preparing does not mean that we will not face these problems. These problems are unavoidable. But preparing yourself that there will be other possible outcomes and not just "happily-ever-after" does help. Never get too attached. Once you get too attached, you will be on the losing side. Always make time for personal space too. Everyone needs their own space from time to time. One more thing, never change all they way for your other half. Compromising is fine, but losing your own identity is another thing. Acknowledge these facts, and you will go a long way. Your relationship will go far.
Here are some tips for successful relationships:
1. Without quality time, your relationship will not survive. 2. You will both need security and comfort. 3. Keep your dependence and independence in balance. Tell and show your partner how much you need him/her, but don't cling, as that can make your partner feel trapped. 4. Encourage him/her to listen to you, by showing appreciation when he/she does. 5. Make him/her appreciate you. Don't wait for a spontaneous compliment, but say something good about yourself and ask for his/her agreement. 6. Learn to do the one thing that is most likely to restore good feelings in your relationship - giving your partner a genuine, loving and approving smile. 7.Often those subtle quirks that first attracted you to your partner can, with time, turn around and become toe-curlingly annoying habits. Learn to love him/her despite everything. 8. Hidden resentments poison a relationship; so if something bothers you, say it. Remember that while men are wary of emotional conversations, they love to find solutions. Express your problem and then ask him to help you find the answer.
Our ears are very important sensory organs. They are involved in two main functions, i.e., listening & hearing. Listening and hearing are two totally different things. To further divide listening, effective listening can be divided into 3 types:
Paraphrase- Restating what another person has said in your own words.
Open Question - A question that helps a person explore their feelings rather than forcing a "yes", "no,'' or other certain answer.
Feeling Reflection - your perception of the speaker's feelings based on words, tone, and body language.
Example 1:
Speaker: It just wasn't the right thing for him to do Listener: You believe he shouldn't have done that.
Example 2:
Speaker: I didn't like that show. Listener: What didn't you like about it?
Example 3:
Speaker: I can't stand to be kept waiting! Listener: Your pacing the floor and your tone of voice tells me that you feel this an abuse of your time.
Now that we are clear about the types of effective listening, what must we do to improve our listening skills? Listed below are a few tips:
Listen carefully so that you will be able to understand, comprehend, and evaluate. Careful listening requires a conscious effort on your part. Always be aware of the verbal and nonverbal signs.
Mentally and physically prepare yourself to listen. Put other thoughts out of your mind. Don't try to think of answers in advance as this will only divert your attention.
Don't talk too much. Listen to what people have ro say. Think about the topic in advance before listening.
Listen with empathy. Put yourself in other people's shoes.
Do not interrupt.
Listen to how something is said. Be alert for what is left unsaid.
Make sure everyone involved gets an opportunity to voice their opinions. Don't let one person dominate the conversation.
Face those you are talking with, lean slightly forward, and make eye contact. Use your body language to show that you are interested/concerned.
We all have just graduated from high school and now we are in college. Have you all ever wonder why we need higher education? Can't we just stop studying in elementary school or high school or even not getting education at all?
I read an article several days ago and I found the answer. In the article, a lecturer was asking his students "Why are you all in college?" That seems like an easy enough question to answer. A few students raised their hands instantly.
"So that we can get a decent job one day and make lots of money!" said the first student. The lecturer then smiled and replied, "Come on, we all know that many people who never went to college and they are rich beyond imagination." Later on the second student answered, " to get an education." "You don't necessarily have to go to college to get education." the lecturer said. "Many people get their education through the school of hard knocks." Another student said, "To get a degree. You can't get that unless you go to university." To that the lecturer responded,"That is not true. You can take correspondence courses." At that point everybody seemed stumped so the lecturer finally said, "The main reason you all go to college is to learn how to socialise." The lecturer proceeded to elaborate. When you graduate and enter the work force, you will be surrounded by genrally like-minded people with roughly the same educational background and social status. For example, if you are in banking the people around you would have probably studied finance. If you are in the medical field, the people you mingle with will be fellow doctors and nurses. If you are in architecture your network or friends and associates will inevitably be those in the building and construction industry. Unless you happen to have a unique job that requires you to mingle with a broad range of people, the harsh reality is that your world will be constrained by your career choices. Therefore college is the only time in your life when you are exposed to all kinds of people from all walks of life and from all different backgrounds. The lecturer told the students, "The whole idea of a college or university is for different people to gettogether and interact."
If you don't learn how to deal with a myriad of people and expose yourself to different worldviews when you are in the spring time of you life - when you are young and carefree, how will you ever be able to do so when you enter the real world and have to cope with the challenges and insecurities? As mentioned earlier, your world will naturally constrained by the career track that you choose. However if you have had exposure to diversity earlier on, you would have a better chance of broadening your network beyond what would normally be the case because you learned how to do so at a younger age.
In our college there are so many students who are local, from other states and even from other countries. We have to communicate with them as everyone is from different places and backgrounds. Of course we have to manage our time properly and know who are the right ones to mix with too. In a nutshell, a certificate showing that we are a college or university graduate can't fight the experience of socialising and networking we gain in college and university.
The giggles. That cute squeaky voice. Ohh, the adorable-ness of children. If only they weren’t so complicating. One thing that is certain is that adults don’t’ think like kids anymore. (some still do, but that’s a different case la. Lol) Which brings me to my point:
Perception is the ability to look at or understand something in a particular way. It greatly affects how we communicate with others. A child’s perception of the world differs from an adult. Sometimes, we tend to forget how naïve they can be. It’s often not easy to communicate with children. They go on and on, sometimes not quite making sense. They can be funny then suddenly turn so annoying and irritating, you just want them to shut up. The worst is when they ask or say random things that leave you speechless.
However, all is not lost. There are several ways to make communication with these little angels less troublesome:
#1. Be interested. Yup, even if it is about some scary monster or the abominable snowman. Fear of certain imaginary things is common for them and as adults, we should show interest in what they think and feel. Then, we can try to help them overcome their fear. Once that’s done, no more noise. Good, eh?
#2. Avoid dead-end questions. Ask children the kinds of questions that will extend interaction rather than cut it off. In simple words, don’t ask stuff that only leads them to say “yes” or “no”. Conversation is extended when kids describe, explain and share their ideas.
#3. Share your thoughts. Share what you are thinking with your child. For instance, if you are puzzling over how to rearrange your furniture, get your child involved with questions such as, "I'm not sure where to put this shelf. Where do you think would be a good place?" Be warned, though. Sometimes their ideas can be crazy too!
#4. Reflect feelings. One of the most important skills good listeners have is the ability to put themselves in the shoes of others. In other words, empathize with children. Reflect on a child's feelings by commenting, "It sounds as if you're angry at your math teacher." Restating or rephrasing what children have said is useful when they are experiencing powerful emotions that they may not be fully aware of.
P/s: At the same time, remember not to confuse them. They're still kids, you noe?
In our world today, we are constantly face conflicts from time to time. Whenever of wherever we go, we may face conflict. And it only makes matters worse when we face conflicts with our loved ones.
Family squabbles are the worst. If you are from a fairly large family, you should know how quickly these little riffs can escalate into major, all-out family feuds. In every family, there is usually one member who acts as a diplomatic person. That person always receives the blunt of family conflict, too. If caught in the middle of conflict between family members, here are a few tips that might help solve or at least ease the problem:
Don’t choose sides. The worst possible thing that can be done is to pick a side to agree with. This will only lead to more conflicts and fightings in your family. Instead, calmly listen to the arguments without making assertions or assumptions. Be understanding, but NEVER give in to the pressure of choosing a side to agree with. Being indifferent is the best possible way to act.
Let them work it out on their own. All too often, families who are involved in fights aren’t really looking for solutions when they turn to another family member with their problem. They really just want someone who will listen to what they have to say so they can express their emotions, feelings and thoughts. When caught in this kind of situation, the best thing for you to do is to quietly let those who are having problems work it out themselves.
Offer possible solutions while remaining neutral. Don't choose a side. Take a step back, in an effort to let them work things out on their own. If the family feud is still rolling strong, there may be one final last-ditch effort you’ll need to take to help extinguish the fire. If you have possible solutions to the squabble, can offer them and yet still remain neutral, then go for it. However, remember that you must remain neutral because the instant you choose sides, you will not only become a part of the conflict within your family, but also be blamed for the effects of your solutions.
You may wonder why I chose this article for the blog.... This is because I realized that whether we humans like it or not, often come face-to-face with conflicts be it with family members, friends, college mates, or colleagues. Sometimes, or you could say most of the time, we are usually caught in between other people's conflicts (and other people's troubles are worse than your own as you can never decide for them, but you can decide for yourself).So, when this happens, always remember to:
Never choose sides
Leave them be
Offer solutions that doesn't rob you of your neutrality in that particular situation
I came across an incident today on the way to college.
We were driving to college.
The car I was in was trying to switch lanes, so the driver(my friend) signalled to the vehicle on the next lane, and proceeded to inch into that lane. See, this is called nonverbal communication =D
Obviously, the driver in the other vehicle got the message, but accelerated anyway and started to move towards our car, forcing my friend to move back into our original lane. Apparently, forcing us back into our lane was not enough for that driver. He had to force us to the wall. Literally. He drove so close to us that my friend had no choice but to go closer to the wall next to us, and nearly collided if not for my friend's "expert" driving. So he claims. LOL. So okay, okay, we got the message. His reply was obviously "No, you can't come over to my lane."
"But you can try," he seemed to be implying as he slowed down his car again, leaving a gap between his car and the car in front of him.
My friend sighed and signalled again, only to have that driver accelerate again. I exchanged a look with my friend. See, lotsa nonverbal communication going on. =D
And then, that driver HAD to come to our lane, IN FRONT of our car. And SLOWED down. This guy obviously had nothing better to do than annoy anyone he could annoy. So my friend honked real loud, real long at him. At this, we laughed and proceeded to switch lanes.
Message exchanged/transmitted so far: I wanna come over, give way. NO way. But you can try. *Sigh* Fine. *Accelerates* HAHA! Got you. Omg is this guy for real? Apparently, he is. HAH! Beat this. *Moves into our lane and goes 30 km an hour* Okay. *HONKKKKKKKKKKK!* HAHA! Okay okay. Change lane change lane.
Okay so we switched lanes, but we heard engine revving up in our previous lane. So we turned to look, and we could see that the driver was trying to challenge us. My friend frowns. I sigh. That driver accelerates and switch lanes like nobody's business without signalling. All these things happened in less than 5 mins, mind you.
Guys will forever be guys, so my friend went after the guy, though not as reckless as there were other people *coughmecough* in the car. THEN...
We saw the traffic jam not far from us.
My friend:HAHA! Jam! See la how he show off now. Me:Yea yea. You also stop showing off.
Anyway, cut the long story short(actually already very long this story XD), our cars finally separated when we reached our college and all was forgotten when we saw the scarceness of the parking spaces. *Groans*
In conclusion, haha, communication is extremely important, especially on the road.
This conclusion was obvious. Haha.
Second conclusion: Alot of things can be utilised for nonverbal communication.
For example: Honk:HOI! Light flash:Ei ei. Pay attention/ Move out of the way. Rev engine:I'm better than you/ Neh neh neh neh neh, I can go faster XD Hazard lights when there is actually nothing wrong with the car at all+ Slowing down:I'm playing a trick on you, and I know that you know, and that is why this is so fun. Rolling down the window while looking at the driver in the next car:Roll down your window I wanna talk to/diss/cuss at you. Certain finger actions directed at certain directions:@#$#%$@^#$
And of course there are the more decent and obvious ones, like right signal means wanna turn right, and whatever.
Third conclusion: That annoying guy might one day be victim of road rage by the way he loves to annoy people on the road for fun. *Touchwood*
Lying is a technique that is used to influence, control and manipulate other’s thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. Lying comes naturally, and most of the time, it happens with little awareness,effort, or thought. In fact, children start lying, quite effectively, early in life. And as adults, people continue to lie.
Not only is lying fairly common, but it can take several different forms:
a bold-faced lie, that is, say something that is explicitly not true.
a lie of omission, that is, by leaving things or critical information unsaid while leading hearers to believe that the complete story is being told.
Why do people lie, especially to the ones they love?? Lying is usually fueled by one of the following reasons:
Avoid Punishment Lying is often used to avoid punishment or possible rejection. If a spouse or romantic partner is going to react poorly to the truth, generally speaking, people try to hide or conceal the truth. By nature, people are designed to avoid harm and punishment, even if individuals have to lie in order to do so. Seek Approval People universally have a need for approval. Lying and deception are often used to create a favorable image or impression. People will go to great lengths, even using deception, if necessary, to create a positive image. Often this involves some self-deception as well (people start to believe their own false image is true). Maintain Privacy Everyone needs some privacy – a sense of independence, autonomy, and freedom. People like to feel in control, especially when it comes to giving out information about one’s self. Just because you are in a close relationship does not mean that you have completely given up your right to, or need for, privacy. So, lying and deception are very useful when trying to maintain a sense of one’s self that is autonomous, independent, and private. Avoid Conflict Couples rarely see eye-to-eye on every issue. And if couples were determined to see eye-to-eye (and some do), they could engage in never ending conflict on a range of issues. But, as always engaging in conflict is damaging in any relationship. So, rather than argue about every issue that may come up, sometimes it is easier to avoid conflict by pretending to get along. Regulate Power Whether people like to acknowledge it or not, power differences are present in every relationship. Power involves having control when it comes to decision making. And power often switches back and forth between partners depending on the issue at hand. For instance, one partner might have financial power, while another partner may have social power (control in social situations). As a general rule, the person who lacks power in any given situation is more likely to lie in order to influence the outcome. For instance, kids are more likely to lie to their parents, employees are more likely to lie to employers, and the same goes for close relationships. The person, who lacks power, is more likely to lie in order to get what they want. Lying helps individuals even out power differences that may exist.
“Half the truth is often a great lie.”- Benjamin Franklin
I've often wondered how my parents feel about each other then and now- after years of being married. From what I’ve observed while growing up, both are quiet around each other and they don’t seem to communicate much (casually, I mean). They talk, but only about serious stuff. Or maybe they don’t talk casually when the kids are there? I’m not so sure. This causes me to think about stuff like…Are they not bored with one another? Will I end up in a relationship like theirs? (Hopefully no, I wanna partner who I can talk and chitchat and do crazy stuff with) LOL. After reading the textbook though, I think I understand their position a bit better now.
Communication competence is relational
It says in the book that what constitutes satisfying communication varies from one relationship to another. Friendships are most satisfying when partners possessed matching skill levels. Relational satisfaction arises when our style matches those of people we interact with.
So I guess since both of them are kinda quiet, it’s good that they have the same style?Like I said, it’s not something I’ve fully understood and accept yet - but at least it is a reasonable reason.
On the other hand, I love Monica and Chandler (the couple from FRIENDS). Haha. They definitely have a lot communication in their relationship. Although they’re not real…just fictional characters…I still admire them! Generally too…I would say that they have the same style of communication and they use it well in their relationship.
When she’s serious, he is serious. (or better be, to avoid trouble. Lol) When she’s funny and all hyped up, he is too.Yet they both know when it’s too much, and when to stop.
It’s even better cause they were friends before getting married. So I guess if you marry your best friend, there’s a higher chance that you get a more satisfying communication with your partner? Reasons are:
1. You can joke around with him/her…and they usually get it. (Same past experiences)
2. You’re more committed to the relationship (Friendship + Marriage)
3. It’s just cool and fun.
LOL… ( haha…or is this just my wishful thinking?)
pics from: http://www.fanpop.com/spots/monica-and-chandler/images/527117 and other various websites
Today, I witnessed something that made me see things in a different light. Before I go into what I saw, I would first like to say that there are many types of relationships in this world. In our society, we establish various kinds of relationships be it withour parents, relatives, friends, lecturers, colleagues, life partners and so on and so forth.
But based on what I saw today, I would like to emphasize on:
PARENT & CHILD RELATIONSHIPS
As I was walking around in a shopping mall near my home, I saw a Chinese family on my left. A mother, father and two children. The children, a boy and a girl, both were of a very young age, the most 6 or 7 years old. The boy was making a lot of noise, throwing his fists in the air. Apparently, he wanted something from one of the toy stalls. To make matters worse, all the mother could do was nag and nag at her son.
Her nagging + His wailing = A VERY NOISY scene
The scene above is what people picture of a traditional and conventional Chinese family.(Do not get me wrong, I'm not saying that all Chinese families are like that.)
On my right, however, was an Eurasian family. Same scene as the Chinese family mentioned above. A mother, father and two children. The children, also a boy and a girl were of a very young age, though they seemed a year or two younger than the Chinese children mentioned above. The Eurasian were in fact, also making a lot of noise but a different kind of noise. They were running everywhere,shouting and laughi.ng at each other, as if they were having a fun time in the park. The parents, did nothing to stop them and continued their window shopping, as though they were oblivious to the noise their children were making.
Chasing footsteps + Laughter + Shouting = A VERY NOISY scene too
The scene above is what you can find in an average Eurasian family. (Although not all Eurasian families are like that, most of them are.)
The Chinese parents above think that by nagging, they are communicating with their children. Is NAGGING really COMMUNICATING?? Some people may really believe so. But even if nagging must be considered as communicating, then I have to say it is a BAD WAY of COMMUNICATING.
What about the Eurasian parents? The Eurasian parents above believe in giving their children a free rein to learn and express themselves. But how much freedom should actually be given? Is this the way to communicate with children? Can this be considered as GOOD & EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION with children?
After witnessing these two scenes, I realized that a healthy parent and child relationship strives on good and effective communication from the parent to the child or vice versa. Giving your children a free rein or in other words, not exercising any control on your children's actions or antics is NOT good and effective communication. Constant nagging at your children is NOT good and effective communication as well. A child must be taught the values of life and these values must be instilled in them. When a parent wants to teach their children these values, they have to communicate with their children. Giving them a free rein means you are not instilling or passing on these values to your children. Constantly nagging at your children means that you are not using the most effective way to instill these values in your children's life.
I believe that something between the nagging and the free rein given is the most appropriate and effective way of communicating with children.Why do I say so? Allow me to explain my statement.
Nagging will not only cause your child to feel fed up but also cause your child to fear coming forward to you when he or she has a problem. Giving your child a free rein would only mean that you have no control over your child and should you wish to change this "no control" scenario in the future, it would be too late
Before I end, I would like to say that to have good and effective communication with your child is to make sure that your child never fears of coming forward to you when he or she has a problem. That way you will be able to know what is going on in your child's life. Never opt to nag at your child. Always tell them the reasons for your actions in a nice way. For example, if you need to punish them, tell them why, so that they will never hold it against you (badly). Raising your voice will never help. So, even if you are angry, always TRY to control your temper. Always encourage your child to tell you everything be it good or bad. All these can help minimize friction in a parent-child relationship and enforce a good and effective communication between parents and children.
the complete story is being told. 
